What is good in a relationship- the love languages
What this blog isn’t is a book review of the 5 love languages by Dr. Chapman. What this is is a discussion of how this can make your efforts in a relationship more effective. This isn’t about to get all hearts and flowers on you (as one of my favourite professors says), this is just a simple to the point ways to get more bang for your buck.
The premise is that each person has two or three things that really make them feel all warm and fuzzy, and a few things that leave them cold. The 5 broad catagories are acts of service, spend time, spend money, words of affirmation (hereafter called compliments), and touch.
Taking my sweetheart for example, he loves touch and acts of service. So I make sure to call him my strong man often and offer to bring him things often.
How do I know what he likes, I didn’t make him take a silly cosmo quiz (I think that boarders on assualt with a blunt instrument), but watch what they do towards people they like. He ways ALWAYS trying to hug me, stroke me, grab my backside, I was about to slap his hands (clearly touch is not my love langauge) and he was peppering me with offers of help. These were actually the things he wanted from me. You can also see how he expresses affection for his family. Are they huggers (touch), fixing things together (acts of service), watching rugby togther (quality time)?
1. Touch. Plenty of men fall into the catagory, I sure don’t, but I am the bra wearing variety of human. Hug them, offer a massage, wear some lingerie and head for bed. Hold their hand, give them a smooch, offer a 30 second neck massage when you need to ask them something. Make a big effort to greet them at the door with a hug and a kiss. Slow dance in the living room after dinner. Read an article on scalp massage then offer them one. Basically you love ‘em up by rubbing them up.
2. Acts of service-or as my husband likes to call it “be my bitch.” I married him for reasons other than his ability to communicate politely. Obviously. This is about doing things for them that would normally be in their department. Pick a chore that is theirs and then do it for them. I fall squarely in this catagory. I love a freshly made bed, even more so if the blankets are in the right order, and I really feel loved. Other examples are things like making dinner, washing the car and doing the weeding. For the low time investment of 10 minutes 3 times a week you could really make a difference.
3. Spending time. These sort of people want the long walks on the beach and intimate conversation. These are the sort of people who really appreciate good listening skills. People who feel loved when spening time together also hate being interrupted, so bite your tongue. Pull out the DVDs, the board games or get a hobby together. Evens if all it is is trying to get 3 stars for every level in Angry Birds. This is one of the most time consuming love language.
5. Spending money. Some people think of these people as golddiggers, but these people are no different to those who enjoy a hug more than a compliment. There are some obvious options, buy them their favourite too-expensive-for-everyday drink to their magazine. You could also try buying their favourite style of lingerie and wearing it.
There you have it, 5 super simple way to make your relationship better. No need to have long TAWKS, get in touch with your inner child, or have him fill out a quiz.
So now that you have your significant other pegged, here are some ideas of what you can do for them(that will really make them feel good).
4. Compliments- This is definitely one of the easiest ones to get the hang of. We all know how great if feels when your darling says “honey you love hot in that bustiers thing“. Men are almost as vain as us, but instead of admiring his backside, tell him how big his muscles are. Even better, tell him how much easier your life is because of his big muscles. More specifically, when he moves something heavy, tell him how much room you now have since that clunky thing went away.
PS. If you have trouble remembering them, my husband has a unique way of putting it. He is my blue collar man so you will have to excuse the language: buy me stuff, be my bumboy, spend some time with me, compliment me and then kiss me you fool!
